Success!

The last three weeks have seen many changes in my life.  Many of them I have documented here.  Today, I finally heard about the Yahoo! article and it has been published.  You can find it at  http://voices.yahoo.com/baking-bread-making-memories-mom-10775833.html?cat=25  I am very proud of myself for this accomplishment, but am continuing to look forward.  I have started several projects over the last couple of weeks.  My writing is only one facet.  I have also taken on the project of reading the bible with a group of ladies and have also joined a weight loss and fitness encouragement group on facebook.  I am hoping it will give me the push to take better care of myself, as I have been needing to do for a while.  All these things happening have been great, but I also am fighting against anxiety even in the midst of it.  I have kind of gone from 0 to 60 or at least that's what it feels like to me.  I now have projects that need my attention but am having a hard time focusing at times.  Also , with the successes come the feelings of dread of not being able to keep up with things or to keep succeeding.  It feels like I have taken on a lot.  But I know that with God's help, it is all possible. Not only this, but so much more that I don't even know yet.  Succeeding is really in the eye of the beholder I am learning, and is very much an individual thing based on each person.  For some success is based solely on money and titles.  For others it is based on education and careers.  Others see success as being a loving mother and wife.  I think I see success as simply being in a better place than I was yesterday, or at least maintaining my improvements.  Success can take on many forms in my opinion; admitting your were wrong and making amends, giving someone an ear to listen or a word of needed encouragement, working on and completing a project to name a few.  For me the last couple of years my success has been making it through each day and not ending up in the hospital for mental health reasons.  Some days it was all I had in me just to get through.  Now is time to get on.  To set off from this point and look forward instead of always looking back, whether it is looking back on good or bad.  For the first time in a very long time I am feeling hope.  Life really is an adventure...some of it we don't understand,  we never will.  Life also has no guarantees,  we need to live life to the fullest while we can because, as with my mom, we never know when that privilege will be taken from us.  I intend to start living my life more purposefully each day,  and when goals are met to keep striving.  I truly wish my mom would understand about my writing getting published,  she would be so proud.  She was always my biggest cheerleader in life.  But there also comes a time when you have to be proud of you, yourself,  not needing someone else specific to be proud of you.  Maybe that is actually the next stage of my grieving when it comes to my mom, being OK with not having her voice telling me "I'm so proud of you! Good Job! I knew you could do it!".  I need to start saying those things to myself and I think now is as good a time to start as any.