The Not So Young and Restless

For some reason I am extremely restless today.  I actually felt like going out today but the weather where I live was icy so I wasn't able to.  I realize though that it is a positive step that I in fact even thought about going out without being asked by someone first.  I do not drive because of my TS so I depend on others for going out any more than walking distance from my apartment which is very frustrating at times.  Because I am limited in my opportunities to go out, I struggle a lot with filling my day with things to do.  I am single with no children and do not work to my health issues so do not have a lot of "typical" things to fill my time.  I know this would be a wonderful thing for many people but for me it is not.  I would give anything to be able to work and have some of the trappings that so many hate or at least complain about.  I struggle to feel productive and it is frustrating.  I hear and read so often about people who "live off the government" and know of the generalizations so many have when it comes to that subject.   I understand that there are some who do take advantage of programs  but I think it is a highly misrepresented thing.  I know when it comes to my TS, people's first question is usually "Do you swear all the time?" because that is the "worst case scenario" that is always presented to people when in fact the vast majority of people who have TS do not have that symptom at all.  I believe the same holds true for government assistance programs.  Yes there is the "worst case scenario" of drug dealers that are helped by these programs but the majority of people that are helped are people like me.  They are people who have no other means by which to support themselves and if asked would be more than happy to work instead of what they are doing now.  I know I  know I would be.  Since most of the time I am kept to things I can do in my apartment, my options are pretty limited.  For the past couple of years I have passed my time with FB games....they filled in my day and I was able to meet some great people.  But I came to the realization that they were starting to do more harm than good , so before Christmas I gave them up.  I believe this was the right decision in the long run...but I am faced again with all this "empty" time in my day.  I see what others are doing and realize how lonely I feel...so much more so since my mom is not able to do things like talk on the phone anymore.  I used the games as a way to combat that, to escape and not have to think about things.  Now I do not have that false "protection" anymore.  My shield is gone and I feel vulnerable.  So where will I get my protection?  The only source I know of for sure is God.  

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."